Change in DD since kindy`

[Mumma2three]

Hi, I have a question similar to the separation anxiety question. Coco has been at kindy (long day care) 4 times. First time she loved it, and counted down the whole week until the second time. From then though she would count down (only going fridays) but on the thursday start to get clingy. Now she is clingy all the time and won't let me out of her sight ever.
She's been happy enough at kindy, but it's so difficult when she's not there. She is not wanting to even go to her grandmothers. I left her with one on the weekend though as we had to go away, and she was ok, but when I got home she kept saying "bye nanny, nanny go now". Felt so sorry for my mum!
I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this. I have increased her days to two now, in the hope she'll get more used to it. It's definitely better for her to be there, as I am working from home as well as have a 9 year old, so it's hard to entertain coco. It's just hard seeing her so upset when I drop her off, and also hard seeing her so clingy and rude to anyone that comes near her. She is pushing people away and being rude to everyone, probably not wanting anyone to take her away fromme. but she's also rude to kids....any suggestions? Thank you x

[MantaRay]

Meg, I have found with DS1 that any change can cause a behaviour change - either similar to what you have described, or downright naughtiness with disobedience and deliberately doing things he shouldn't and normally wouldn't. The change causing it can be as simple as DH's hours at work increasing or decreasing.

The best thing I have found to settle him, is to spend some time explaining to him that we understand that something is different, why it has changed and asking him how it makes him feel. Then we each make an effort to spend some extra one on one quality time with him. This usually works within a day or two. GL with it, I hope she settles down soon. I am sure she will, 4 days of day care isn't a lot of time to get used to it.

[Bathsheba]

Hi Meg, Because Coco has only been 4 times she's still in the adjusting period. There may have been a couple of incidences at Kindy which has confronted her original enthusiasm. Perhaps there has been a little "setting of boundaries" within her friends that has unsettled her? It sounds like she has the skills to cope... it just might have put her on the back step a bit. How is she treated at home compared to Kindy? I know my 4yo son had a bit of adjusting to do (and separation anxiety) because at home his big sister is fairly accommodating and helps him do a lot of stuff rather than argue over things like he does with his baby brother. He has realised for the first time that there are kids, his age, who have much more demanding personalities and that there is conflict to be dealt with. But they all get over it or adjust eventually. I'm sure if your DD's carers/teachers had concerns they would have mentioned something. What does she say about Kinder? Does she mention the negatives as well as the positives? Are you relaxed about the inevitable conflicts (if they are minor, I'm not talking about bullying). When my DS mentions conflict I just say in a relaxed way "Oh well, everyone gets grumpy sometimes (remember last time you were in a bad mood?) maybe play with someone else if little Tommy is mean tomorrow?". If she is reluctant to talk about Kindy a good strategy is to sit down and 'draw' Kindy. Doesn't matter how bad you draw LOL just start drawing some things, people etc at kinder and ask her if that's how it is? Always a good conversation starter! Goodluck!

[Beckibee]

Meg, hugs hon! We're having similiar issues with Maddy. They've just moved her from the toddler class to pre-kindy class at daycare. Whilst they've moved all 6 kids of the same age range (including her 3 closest friends), Maddy's become so incredibly clingy and downright naughty. All of last week after the class change she got hysterical and clung to me when we went to drop her off; but when I rang daycare during the day they said she calmed down within 10 minutes and was having a fabulous day.

Reading what you've written about Coco makes me realise how much a little bit of change (going to daycare for Coco; changing classes at daycare for Maddy) can really affect their behavior. We're trying to get Maddy to understand it's just a different room & teacher; her friends are all there, pretty much the same timetable is there. All I can suggest is to keep reassuring her; explain to her what is different and that Mummy & Daddy & Tilly love her.

I had a chat to a few of the teachers last week and they explained that pretty much all of their 2 year olds (there's about 15) are going through this testing/naughty stage, reacting/acting out to their classmates, clingy etc.